oleh : Azlina Dollah (77)
Jerantut, Pahang Darul Makmur
I have not been able to update this column for quite sometime. I have been busy! (who is not busy these days?) Well… to justify busy, imagine this … I have to attend a one month course (the experience which I’m writing about for the next update of this column) on smart school teaching in IPTAA, a teaching college in Kuala Lipis, a good 90 km away from my house and I drive daily to the college in favour of a friend in need (she has school going children and her husband has to go outstation). I am supposed to undergo a practicum as part of the training for smart school teaching; meaning I am being observed by lecturers (read: I have to prepare detailed lesson plans) for two weeks.
At the very same time I am also involved in the training of ETeMS teachers (I am the district master trainer). Imagine having to train other teachers while at the same time I am undergoing training myself and these two events are taking place at two different places. On top of that I am also involved in the preparation for State Girl Guides Sukaneka and Pertandingan Kawad Kaki to be officiated by Tengku Puan Pahang (who is not only beautiful but a smart royalty who does a wonderful job chairing meetings) on 24 March 2007.
On top of which is the national meet of SMKA (I am teaching at SMKA TAHAP Jerantut) –‘IKTIFAL - which will start on 3 April 2007. And on top of these all, I have to do a 25x40 minutes per week of classroom teachings and I am teaching 3 classes of PMR students and 2 classes of SPM and tutoring sessions of weak students in two different schools in Jerantut district about 80 km away on weekends.
Internet service has been very poor this couple of weeks and the fixed line wireless connection is terrible during this monsoon-change season plus a new road is being built nearby which causes power disruptions every so often which together really dampen my inspiration to write. (And it took four paragraphs to explain my inability to write. Isn’t it ironic?)
So here I am sharing with you something I kept in my folder. Some of you might have read this, smile anyway. Enjoy jogging the grey matter!
EVER WONDER …
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why Doctors call what they do a "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?
Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
1. On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
2. On a bag of Chips: “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. “
(The shoplifter special?)
3. On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".
(And that would be how???)
4. On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".
(But, it's just a suggestion).
5. On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!
6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought????...)
7. On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
8. On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
(And...I'm taking this because???)
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
(As opposed to...what?)
11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use".
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
12. On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts".
(Talk about a news flash!)
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
14. I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".